


Unreachable

by starflight16



Series: The Healing of Scars [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depressing, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Triggers, What Have I Done, cries, how does one tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 16:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8720659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starflight16/pseuds/starflight16
Summary: Keith has been really struggling with his inner demons, he was all alone and he finally lets his walls collapse down. He felt like he couldn't do anything right ever. What will happen when a girl finds the Red Paladin all by himself and broken down?
This took me forever and made me cry in the middle writing. Please be advised this gets really sad and depressing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains triggering thoughts and content. I will put warning before the actual bad part and you can avoid it till you see the bold letters again with an underline.

**Trigger Warning later on you’ll see this appearance**

I never really liked working with other people. I was more of that loner type of guy, the type that no one likes. I was a huge outcast, the only one on my team like myself. No one understood me, no one wanted to. All that changed one day, one single day was all it took for me to open up. I was actually open about myself when that one girl found me, crying.

 

Every night I left the Castle of Lions and walked down to the edge of the bridge, we were still on that planet. We were still grounded, we weren’t ready to take off quite yet. I sat alone, tonight I would finally open up. I would open up to the air I guess. I stared down at the far drop below my dangling feet, I sighed and felt myself unravel.

“I just don’t want to be here, I want to go home. I hate this place, Lance torments me all the time. Hunk doesn’t really care for me, Shiro probably just takes care of me because he feels bad. Allura and Coran are just stuck with me. Pidge obviously hates me after the fight we had about her leaving. I just don’t belong here,” I say to myself and shut my eyes. It’s sad really that the Red Paladin, the strong arm of Voltron, was actually upset. I was actually showing emotion and I hated it, if it wasn’t anger or sarcasm it wasn’t welcome. I hit my fist on my leg. I drew my legs up and felt myself cry silently. I never made noise, I never caused problems. When I did cause problems I almost end up killing someone. I can’t do  _ anything _ . No one really trusts me, no really likes me here, “I can’t even fly correctly,” I mutter with tears falling down my face.

“Keith?” I heard a higher pitched voice, I didn’t dare move my head at first. I looked forward and wiped my tears away quickly, making sure they didn’t see me crying. I dropped my legs back to where they were, just dangling over the edge.

“Yeah what is it?” I say and when I turn to see who it is I see a green jacket and short light brown hair. I was actually surprised and grateful at the same time she was here.

“You doing okay?” Pidge asks and I shrug turning to my cold exterior. I tried to act like I didn’t care, only a skilled person would be able to tell I’m not okay. I wouldn’t look her directly in the eye, she would see right through me.

“Of course,” I flat out lied, I lied to my teammate. Not to mention the teammate I liked the most next to Shiro.

“You, uh, just looked so lonely,” Pidge continued, I shrugged. She stood there uncomfortably until I sighed quietly.

“You know you can sit down,” I told her and she laughed nervously before taking a seat next to me. She dangled her legs over the bridge and kicked them slightly.

“So why are you out here so late?” The small girl asked, I found myself cracking a small smile.

“I could ask you the same question,” I replied dryly, she laughed a nervous small laugh. I kept my eyes downcast on the valley below.

“I guess so. I just couldn’t sleep so I wanted to go for a walk,” she told me shortly, I knew she was nervous. I was pushing her away and she could sense it.

“I came out here for almost the same reason,” I lied again, actually I guess it was half the truth at this rate. It was starting to hurt now, all the lying I was doing. I  _ had  _ to stay disconnected, I didn’t want any pity parties. I guess I must’ve flinched physically at the pain, Pidge gave me a concerned look.

“Keith? What’s wrong?” She asked me, I still wouldn’t look at her. I dropped my head even further,  _ no no no I can’t cry now  _ I began to shout at myself. It was almost too late, the tears were coming. I was hitting my breaking point with each easy lie.

“Nothing, just fell on my way here,” my voice didn’t quiver but I felt myself start to shut down.  _ You have no family. You don’t belong. She doesn’t care. No one cares here, not even Shiro. Run, that’s all you’ve ever done. Get out of here. Your Lion won’t respond to you now.  _ **_WEAK_ ** _. _

“I don’t think that’s the truth. Keith what’s really going on?” She can see through everything, I smiled sadly to myself. I didn’t even have to look at her, she just knew. Just when I thought I was invincible…

I was struggling now, I was trying so hard to keep my cool. I shut my eyes tightly and gritted my teeth, she  _ can’t  _ see me like this.  _ No one  _ can see me like this. I dug my nails into my palms, I had to do something so I didn’t start to cry. When I didn’t answer, when I probably looked like I was tensing up, Pidge touched my shoulder. I jumped away, I didn’t want contact.

“Keith!” She shouted and grabbed my shoulder again, this time spinning my torso so I faced her. I froze as she stared at me.  _ Must be weird seeing another human-being showing emotion,  _ I thought sourly. When that one moment passed I sprang to my feet. I was already running back to the castle by the time Pidge called after me.  _ Running again? When will you stop? Why not run off that bri-  _ I shook my head as I tried to clear my head. It didn’t work.  _ Just do it, just run and never come back. Run from life. Run from Voltron. Run from  _ _ everything _ _. But where will you go? You have no one, no home. Where will you go? The Paladins don’t want you here. Where will you go? Just run and run and run. You won’t find comfort, run and run and run.  _ **_Run off the bridge._ ** I dropped on the spot, right in front of the edge. I had been so close, too close. I put my head in my hands.  _ What have I done to myself? _

“Keith,” I heard a soft murmur from behind me, why was she still here? I felt her hand on my shoulder, I wasn’t going to shake...I wasn’t going to give in. I wasn’t going to show weakness.

“I told you I’m fine,” I whisper, tears were falling through my hands. I couldn’t stop them now but my voice never betrayed me. It never shook.

“No you’re not, please look at me,” I wouldn’t move, “Keith please just turn toward me,” I was silent, “Keith Kogane, turn around now!”

My head snapped out of my hands and I stared at her, tears falling. “Is this what you wanted?!” I shouted, I gave up. I just gave up. I let all the noises and all the pent up emotions out in one massive cry. Pidge just stared at me before pulling me into her warmth.

“It’s alright Keith. Let it all out, I won’t tell anyone,” Pidge whispered softly to me and I held onto her like a lifeline. I choked out ugly cry after ugly cry. I buried my face into her jacket, she just stroked my hair. Somehow she understood me in that moment. She had everything so pent up about her family but she didn’t get one thing. Belonging to a place. She always had a home.

“Why…” I mutter with a shaky voice as I rested my head on her shoulder. I didn’t move at all, I was drained.

“Why what?” Pidge asked, I stared blankly ahead. For a moment we were silent, I treasured that silence for the split second it lasted.

“Why are you here, why are you here with me? Comforting a silent, angry, sarcastic, distant idiot,” my voice fell away as another pain filled cry was ripped from my body. It was physically hurting me, the emotions all of them. Anger, sorrow, anxiety, happiness, fear, trust, emptiness, abandonment, frustrated, everything.

“Because I care,” I swear I stopped breathing. I swear I was dreaming at that point, I started to drift away. Someone...cared. My heart stopped, it just stopped. I was cold but warm all at the same time, three simple words. That’s all it took, “You actually mean a lot to me. I want you to stay, I’m sorry about our fight. I know that doesn’t fix anything but I just want to help with it. I just want you to feel better. You don’t deserve anything bad, you never have.”

“Pidge,” was all I could say. I was speechless, she apologized for something I started. Why? I held onto her tighter and squeezed my eyes shut. I pulled back and looked at the girl who let me cry, she was crying too.

“I just don’t want to see you hurting. No one should hurt,” Pidge struggled to say as small sobs interrupted her. She held onto my hand, I didn’t move, “Keep your head up but if you ever need to talk to someone. You know where I am.”

“Thank you, thank you. Pidge, I-” I started but she had already pulled me into another hug. We sat there, on the edge of the bridge just crying. Finding comfort in eachother. I didn’t want to explain to Pidge why I had reached this point. I knew at some point it would come out when we talk in the future. I also knew she would eventually tell why she was really crying too. But this was our moment, in this moment we were both exposed. Two open wounds. I felt the blood on my arms all over my legs and shoulders again. I felt the edge, the sharpness. I felt the freshest one, after mine and Pidge’s fight I couldn’t take what I had said back. I had hurt her, I had really hurt her. I couldn’t feel anything, the guilt had numbed me. When I had seen her after she confessed to being girl and that smile we exchanged filled me with warmth. Except I knew she was still hurt. The guilt hit home at that point, I had hid in the bathroom with the door locked.

**(Trigger Warning!! Keep Scrolling Until You See More Bolded Letters)**

I cried silently in the bathroom,  _ mustn’t make a sound _ . I tore my jacket off and dug my nails painfully into my upper arms. Most of the time it took away the urge but this time it wasn’t enough. I curled up on the floor as blood flowed from where my nails remained embedded in my skin. I began to shake, I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. Nothing ever came out.  _ Do it.  _ I began to stand up with tears falling down my cheeks.  _ Do it, make them happy.  _ I kept walking until I found a razor blade in a medical kit under the sink.  _ Do it.  _ I took it out carefully with shaky hands.  _ Cut it open.  _ I felt so numb, so guilty.  _ This will solve your problems.  _ I rolled up my sleeve to see the small other marks that were traveling onto my back.  _ She’ll forgive you.  _ I picked up the blade again from where I had set it to roll up my sleeve.  _ Do it.  _ I took in a shaky breath.  _ DO IT.  _ I readied the blade against my exposed skin.  _ DON’T THINK.  _ I put small pressure on my skin, my eyes were squeezed shut as silent cries escaped my lips.  _ DO IT!  _ In one quick movement I slid the blade against my skin, I did it a second time and almost a third. I dropped the blade on the ground and stumbled away from it. I felt better, less numb. I fell against the wall with silent sobs being torn from me. Eventually I stood up and cleaned the blood off the blade. I cleaned the wounds and put bandaids over the wounds, they would become scars. Doing this always calmed the screams in my head, it always cleared them away for a couple hours. If I was even that lucky. I was sick, so sick in the head.

**(It’s over continue on!)**

I pulled away from Pidge to stare at her, I gave her that look. The look that told her what I’ve done. The damaged exposed glass in my eyes, the innocence that was broken.

“Keith no. Please tell me you didn’t ever,” Pidge stopped when I looked away and laughed quietly.

“I can’t lie anymore, what’s the use in trying?” I laughed, I felt her forehead against mine. I didn’t bother looking at her.

“Don’t ever do that again. Hey! Keith look at me please,” I looked up at her bright amber eyes, “Can you promise me to not do that again?”

“Probably not,” I muttered and she pressed her hand against my cheek. She knew I was being completely honest.

“How about whenever you feel it coming just come to my room,” I was surprised. Shelter was being given, I wasn’t fighting alone anymore.

“O-Okay, what do I do for the voice?” I asked and she looked so sad, I didn’t care if she showed me pity. She was here which was all I wanted.

“The same thing, find me. Just find me, I swear I won’t get annoyed,” Pidge promised and I began to trust the Green Paladin.

_ She’ll leave... _ I felt my shields go up, I jumped away and my calm persona was in place.  _ You’re so close, turn around. Look at what’s waiting.  _ I turned and looked behind me, the edge. I felt Pidge’s hand on mine, I was back with her again.

“I-” I began but Pidge pulled me into another hug.

“Don’t, it’s okay. I know it’s not going be easy, just lean on me,” she whispered softly into my ear. I relaxed, I haven’t relaxed this much since I was a small kid. Even then I was really tense all the time. I had always felt so distant, like I didn’t belong anywhere.

“Just stay with me, please,” I murmur and I felt her nod. She nuzzled her nose into my neck, her warm breath made me feel better. I didn’t feel cold anymore.

“I will never leave you when you need me. I need you too,” Pidge breathed against my skin. I felt so much freer but I was still weighed down by the voice.  _ Don’t _ . I cut it off, I completely lost myself in the warmth. I had never been hugged like this before, if not at all. I faded in and out of conciseness. Then I saw nothing.

When I woke up I was in a messy room. I didn’t move but I did feel a slight pain in my shoulder. I rolled up my sleeve and saw there were new bandages. Pidge must’ve had someone bring me in and I probably reacted bad when they held me where my arm was injured. I shifted until I saw a petite figure at a desk typing away. I sat up then walked over to her, I rested my hand on her shoulder gently. She jumped but didn’t freak out, she knew it was me.

“Hey did you sleep okay?” She asked and I nodded, I wasn’t crying anymore. I felt more at ease with her, she was okay with me crying.

“Yeah, thanks for everything by the way,” I mutter and she smiles at me.

“Of course, I’m always here Keith,” Pidge told me, she stood up and hugged me again. I probably would’ve pushed her away, I actually almost did. But I relaxed and allowed her to hug me. I just smiled into her hair. She looked up at me and kissed my cheek softly after a moment.

“You’re going to be just fine. I’ll make sure of it,” Pidge told me, I just held her tightly. Sweet silence joined the hug, we didn’t speak. We didn’t need to now.

**Author's Note:**

> This took a lot out of me to write, I kind of vented all my bad feelings into this story. Thanks for reading:)


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